I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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