Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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