Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize