What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Randomize
