The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
