wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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