Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
