Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize