..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
