And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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