You smell like stripper and shame
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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