Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize