do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
false alarm, still single
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
