Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
