if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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