I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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