I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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