ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
