Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize