Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
