What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
