I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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