i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
