i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just took my morning after pill in the library
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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