As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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