belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
