Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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