I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
