im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
