I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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