Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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