I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
