Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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