eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
