Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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