the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize