A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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