Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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