So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Screwed.edu
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
