eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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