my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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