is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i think my cat just said my name.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
