I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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