Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
