After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
