and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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