I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
