omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
