I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
