My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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