yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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