one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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