dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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