I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
