the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
