You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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