Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
