Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
