God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
