I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
