doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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