i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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