Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
