I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
