Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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