matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize