Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
