k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They took my balls.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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