I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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