dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
