I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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