He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
