I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize